WATEVA....

I really dont have time to update my blog. Well, i do have free times and all during these holidays but i just dont know why i dont feel like blogging. I do have a few drafts which need a few editing before i'm gonna publish it.

I just dont feel right this couple of weeks...remember that I wrote that i quarelled with a best friend of mine before the holidays. It's on my first post. I dont really wanna talk about how it started. Let's just say that i did some bad stuff that i really really regret. I tried apologizing to him but to no avail.

Since becoming the president, i abused my power too much i guess. My tutor personally asked me to arrange all the clinical postings for my class. And i was very happy for it. It was nice knowing that someone trusted you to do such things. I began to arrange everything. I put the names of the people that i didnt like to have their clinical postings in the bad clinics. Meanwhile, i placed my own friends in good clinics. And of course i can select my own team members and i made a huge mistake.

I selected a small group: only 3 members and i picked the best clinic for us. I picked my own best friend to be in the same group as mine and another Sabahan guy just to even things out so that the classmates wont get suspicious.

I was thinking that if i chose my own friend to be in the same group, i probably have a good time doing the clinicals but it turned out to be the opposites. You see if there were some issues between group members; what more if i have an issue with my own best friend regarding clinical related stuffs, it was really hard to mend and repair everything. It somehow affecting the relationships....and affecting the course of the clinical too.

Well, that is what happened to me now. Back in the college, i can manage 1000+ students but during clinicals, i cant even manage 2 persons! I felt so terrible and i wont feel better until this particular friend of mine accepted my apologies.

I guess this is what people said what goes around comes around (just like in Coki's blog).... Sometimes, when you are on the top, you couldnt resist to be selfish with all the power & perks you have and all the strings that you can pull. If you made the wrong choices like i did, you will probably ended up just like me. Friendships were broken and feelings were torn. If only i picked other people to be in my group, this probably wont happened to me. Yeah, IF ONLY.... IF ONLY IM NOT SELFISH AND SELF CENTERED AT THE BEGINNING.

I'm not really a religous person....but my faith is there. So this coming Christmas, i wont hoping for so much. I just need a miracle. I just want this war to end. I've done too much bad things already. It's time for a damage control. I backstabbed too many people along the way. Now, i'm losing yet a dear friend of mine. I'm really sorry...